Sunday, April 15, 2007

to start off, i believe there's always karma in everything. maybe it's my turn now. if you really see my room, everything on my comp table is the most important thing in my life. gifts and presents from friends. painting tigers bear photos calender. brownie they all are on the bed. can't compare anymore.


somehow i feel neglected someway. who would actually be the first one to stand by me if i'm in trouble? or in another way, who would actually know if i don't even tell? who could read the signs? i've no idea at all. the last time i felt this way was like 2yrs ago. down and depressed. agitated emotional whatever u wanna call it.

that's like what happened when i was in a bad mood and suddenly agitated by some game thingy. if u're wondering what's that, that's my glass mousepad which costs about 80bucks or 70 and i just hammer my hand onto it and it shattered into that. it's never about the money for me. it's more of the reason why i hit it in the first place and what made me hit it or maybe it's the chim chim reasons behind it.

then i was thinking deeply, what might be the reason for the fury inside of me? wenling? you? YOU? or YoU? i've no idea. oh yeah so many of the ppls around me are getting attached. i'm only getting to mention those close to me but i'm not naming anyone. i was just glad i had a good time shopping slowly for things i want rather than just wasting my time away.

facts are facts. face the fucking facts. i'm brutal against this kinda thing. even with my closest friends.

wherever i'mma in a bad mood, i just don't feel like talking much to ppls who just ask dumb questions. i just wanna be alone sometimes. sometimes i just want something special from that someone special but just happens that it'll never happen. and no, i'm not taking pity on myself. someone here is going to say "no one will save you from self-pity". yeah you're right but that doesn't conclude anything.

oh yeah now my mother is worried about me just because i never eat or she's assuming that i'm upset and angry over my broken mousepad. it's more than that, yeah she has her own problems but i'm not whining my problems to her either. i'm just making my problem and mood known. and i was just thinking to give her 100bucks for household. now i'm considering again. and btw, someone here is going to whine about my academic results and so on.




i'm not rich, i'm not totally that smart but i can't say i'm a slacker also. i'll make sure i do my part very well and not drag anyone down into the water with me. therefore, i won't make any of your problem my problem as well. i'm not a rich brat if that's what most of you are thinking. what i have? my camera my flash? my ipod and headphones? my comp? my lifestyle? LOL come to think of it. i don't even splurge on clothes, handphones and fine dining. my parents dont even bring me to restaurants to eat. i even have to call them sometimes to see whether they wanna get anything anot.

ya ya ya. everyone has his/her own problem. but why am i helping so much when i can't even help myself nowadays? fuck it man. drawing my fucking line from today onwards. on the brighter side of things, i spent like 100bucks ytd on some items. lets seee...

a scdf hp pouch holder. pretty cute eh.


- 20 bucks on that fucking cab fare.
- 24 bucks on a armin van burren cd
- 30 for some army stuffs i need.
- 20 for fm transmitter.

the blue thingy on the left in a inflatable pillow LOL.

hmmm that's almost about it excluding some food i bought along the way ytd. not that bad considering that daddy janiel brought me along to the NS40 roadshow kinda thing. had some freebies and a delifrance lunch on him. had some garlic bread and a nice nice strawberry icecream with peaches inside! my kinda thing. i think i always eat and eat before i take a shot =P

not to mention the cute biker chick on a scamb

i just wanna say it's not easy for anyone including myself. it takes one attitude person to understand another. it takes a fucker to understand another. it takes a bitch to understand another bitch. that's how the world goes around. oh yeah before i end of, i saw 2 young teenage girls outside taka with their mum, one holding LV bag, the other one holding a dior bag. i hate rich spoilt brats.

the line is drawn.

brownie typed this at 11:12 AM