Wednesday, July 26, 2006

sorry to say that sadly, being nice ain't the very real me at all. yes i'm very polite with strangers because i always assume they are flawless as i do not know them at all. i'll always say 'thank you' to whomever that deserves it. even the crew on the penguin ship that we take weekly back to camp.

being nice ain't that very good. being attitude makes ppls hate you. well i've been through both phrases already and being nice is never good. you'll just end up on being the loser side. and oh yeah before anyone says...

i'm not being pessimistic about this whole incident.

there's always nice ppls in the world and we're all just waiting for them to lose their cool at one point of their life. and yes, i've seen a increase in that among my friends recently. including angeline and xiaofen. xiaofen one is pretty a gradual buildup within her family but angeline, in my opionion, has the most fucked up boyfriend i've ever seen in my life.

she's being a lovely girl as she is, from what i know so far. being down most of the time pondering so many unanswered mysteries. i'll always place most ppls in front of me because i know my life ain't that bad after all. and helping others somehow make me happier and have something to look foward to. and thus not thinking about my own problem.

i usually solve my problems pretty quick but there's alot of things that are not within my control at all. but i always have that sensitive moody pms side of me. yes i am very aware of what my actions are. sometimes it's just that it's very hard for me to put my point across to so many ppls.

oh yeah. i've a crazy bitch ex gf. that's all i'm going to say. i'm not those bastard bf that goes around spreading around how they pumped their gf inside out and what she sounded like in estacy. it was definately not an easy time for me but i've learnt quite alot from it.

and relationships? oh yea i'm not suppose to comment since i'm just twenty and ppls doubt my knowledge and experience. great man. i'm not being sacarstic bout this but i've only been in two 'official' relationships. i would consider my others, relationships?

i doubt i can comment on that as well but yes i do love them at one point of time of the relationship. and i know ryjm would be reading this someday? hahaha.

jeraine, i really doubt you understand whats going through my head now but i felt too insecure and you being able to find mark. or whatever way works for you. feelings fade i know. you having another one? good for you then. i really don't know what to say anymore. move on brian =)

brownie typed this at 7:29 PM

sometimes i really wonder why i blog. when there's so much things to blog yet whenever i'm in the mood to blog about something nice, i'm always in the bus. composing my thoughts and yet when i reach home, i'll get busy or upset with someone or something and not blog anymore. that's just me.

now whats the point for this blog? great one lar. i inspired how many ppls to blog? one.two.three? doesn't really matter anymore. i'm going hiatus as i really really need it right now. appointment for podiatry and eye specialist ytd and i was given another 4 days MC.

and answers i got... "okay take care"

friends? great. being there for so many and this is the fucked up replies i get.

brownie typed this at 12:22 PM

Saturday, July 22, 2006

ever heard of something like that? yeah it's that serious where someone gets to downgrade to PES CL9L. i've no idea what that actually stands for but my friend here is excused from ippt and outfield and he's posted to a unit i dreamt of going into. that's all =D.

and for all those concerned, my sore eyes is still pretty serious i suppose. 2 weeks being red might be normal but it's no joke when i'm currently in tekong serving my bmt. another week of mc and i might be out of course =(.

and my grandmother is in critical condition somehow. she's in a private hospital home of some sort and is placed in the chronic terminally ill section, as in those who are just waiting for death if you wanna put it in a ugly way. it's called the peace ward where they try to ease the suffering and such. and if my grandmother really passes away within these 2 months, i might really be placed out of course. gees. my grandmother can't even recognise my older brother who has been living with her since he was 2yrs old. that's age.

and financial problem is another thing. how many of my friends always assume i'm rich because i have this and that. expensive headphones, keyboards, mouses and spend on expensive stuffs. that's only the brighter side they see of me. nothing personal but i don't actually spend that much on other stuffs. i do admit i've a certain desire for high tech toys one way or another. and my bike isn't gonna come cheap as well. my dslr system is one of my top piorities.

the word, divorce, did came out of my mother's mouth earlier on and imagine how serious that could be. be separated for me won't be much of an issue. but i doubt my mother would be able to handle the problem. she's those kinda where she worrys more about the problem rather than finding a solution. i'm exactly the opposite. i find solutions rather than think about the problem.

this is the state that one thing is driving us into.

money.

simple as that. television always show that the rich always have divorce because of money but they don't really show the part where ppls end up divorcing because of money issues as well.

oh yeah. how many of you, readers, actually remain in close contact with friends from primary school? few. very few. hahahaha. i have primary school friends who are married and with kids now. and alot of my close friends might add on that if they're pregnant somehow, they will keep the kid. how many are really gonna make that decision when it actually happens?

and i've been seen as a player or whatever. i don't take it that way. things happen here and there. it's not entirely my fault whatsoever. i do admit that what happened between me and ryjm was rather a big mistake in the past, somehow. for the rest? i've no idea anyhow. one day, we can be as close as we could be. in the next week, we might become total strangers.

but yet, i've some very close friends whom are usually there for me when i need them the most. casey wenling wanling angel rach. and some of the uncles around whom i'm in contact with. haha. i really need a break very soon. or i might just break. =)

brownie typed this at 2:21 PM

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

i refuse to type in proper english. for a fact that i'm having very red eyes for the past 11days? you guys might think i'm trying to "chao keng" and stay at home. but with such condition and it's my field camp right now, do you think i would wanna miss it? seriously i would love to go back to tekong with my platoon mates. the redness of my eye is no joke.

now i can either go back to camp tomorrow morning or go see a doctor and get another 2 days MC which will make it a total of 7 days MC. and this is gonna be the first time of my life i'm getting 7 days straight MC. never once i'm in sucha bad physical shape. and for the record, there was only once i got 5 days MC over a certain problem and i saw my records at the family clinic, i'd not been seeing him the past 5 years. and suddenly, i'm visiting the medical officers in tekong like 4 times in 5 weeks? or 6 weeks? gees. wtf man!

oh well, i'd a pretty good dinner with haze and lili over at one of the coffeeshops around my place. haha treated lili to dinner anyway because she actually came over to my place to backup my comp for me =). and haze is a pretty good photographer i must say, having assignments here and there.

http://hazekang.multiply.com

now i'm gotta go pack my stuffs and get ready. HAIS.

brownie typed this at 10:02 PM

Sunday, July 16, 2006

it has been more than a week now and nothing much has changed. my sore eyes that is, everything else is changing so fast that i can't even imagine it's coming true. i was admitted to the sick-bay on wednesday & friday. and the thing was that on saturday morning, the medical officer (MO) wasn't in a very good mood but he came to my bed and said...

"why are you smiling at me?"

"i'm not in a very good mood right now so stop smiling"

"there's really something wrong with you, you know?"

all because i'm in the sick bay and feeling so cheerful that time. yea i know i'm crazy but such treatment from a MO, is just so unjustified and unreasonable. he even asked the guy beside me who was having sore eyes as well to do jumping jacks because he read the medical chart which was left on the table.

A PATIENT IN SICKBAY DOING JUMPING JACKS!

then i'm back here at home while my company is having their field camp. damn hell it man. i wanna go field camp! i don't even wanna join another company for their field camp at all. hais nevermind i think my sore eyes is getting a lil' better at this point of time.

hmmm... somehow i get the feeling that i'm not that great as a bf or partner or whatever you call it. it's just that feeling. i can't explain it. and after having a short chat with ryjm, did realise some stuffs are always true. hahaha i wasn't wrong after all about a certain something. was it my fault or her's? i'd have to say...

it was mine.

sadly but true, it's better that we actually stay away from each other. for some reason that she wouldn't wanna tell me bla bla. as both of us are from the gaming community. tongues wag here and there sometimes. it's just so unevitable. but we're still friends somehow i hope =).

and some breakups and some getting tied down. hahaha. reminds me of hidayah being engaged lol. i don't understand how come girls always get this perception that i'm always flirting around with some others when i'm not. something that most ppls might not know about me...

i'll forever keep promises that i've made.

okayokay. i think i better go get some rest for my eyes before i start reformating my comp later on. oh yeah lili came over this morning to lend me her external hdd so that i could backup all my songs and photos =).

brownie typed this at 4:56 PM

Monday, July 10, 2006

seriously time always fly so darn fast one. i booked out yesterday afternoon around 12pm. reached home aronud 1pm+ and after slacking just a lil' lil' while, i gotta go hospital visit my grandmother and after i came back, i almost immediately went out to meet alvin and his gf at east coast. haha. because nat wanted to cycle and being the nice nice me, of course i'll never reject anyone right?! =P

had dinner at lagoon! omfg was darn great lar. haha. hmmm went back to mac and met nat there and rented a bike overnight though we didn't really cycle for that long after all. but at least nat really learned how to ride a bike the darn darn hard way. almost having like 3-4 pretty serious accident. =.=! it's damn kuku actually haha. having abrasions around the knee area bla bla.

we were suppose to go my house here the mac and watch world cup *because her friend pangseh her* and came back to my place for awhile and used the comp but she just couldn't take it and went to slp like around 1am+ so i pulled out my bed below for her to slp there. haha i gave her 3/4 of my blanket to cover herself. yeah woke up and returned the bike.

her parents came to pick her up and send her home bla bla. haha. breakfast at her place without a proper table -.-! hmmm lying on her bed when she's using the comp and gift wrapping stuffs hahahah. can't believe someone will actually enjoy doing that. hmmm the rest is just for me to know bahs. walked around parkway after that and parted our ways. =)

just a short short entry i suppose. going to field camp this sat so won't be out in about 12days or so. haha =( i know theres alot of ppls whos gonna miss me lar. oh yeah last monday's live range was great. i passed and the night shoot had so many stars! weeee... ohhhh yeah! it's world cup finals today and im going to bed! hahahha. btw i might have sore eyes so.. yeah maybe gonna see the doct tml.

/brian sleeps.

brownie typed this at 12:26 AM

Sunday, July 02, 2006

i've been taking like 7 pills every 6hrs for the past few days... not really faithfully but still it's 7 pills at once and one stupid cough mixture that will put me to sleep wherever i am within 2hours. it's damn strong man =\. can fall asleep at lecture, while waiting for my turn to throw dummy grenades and sleeping on the hospital chairs. lol

this week was just normal. with me vomitting and getting 3 days attend B which is like excusing me from exercises and 5 days excuse from running, marching, jumping, lower limp and STAIRS! yes i'm being excused from stairs and i can take the damn lift! hahahaha. damn fun man.

wanling is going through a pretty rough time herself. hope she will get over it or deal with it somehow. i've to deal with my own r/s problems and family problems as well. bla bla bla i'm not going down without a fight after all. nothing can be more sickening than the bunkmates i've sleep with everyday. irritating spoilt kids and brats all around. chao kengers all the way man. gees.

i really miss what i love doing nowadays. missing a whole chunk of my life. missing the ones that had always been there for me. let me take some time to thank those special girl friends in my life.

casey amanda lloyd
darl rachel cow
sweetie angel
wanling
wenling dear.

and not forgetting luvina as well. though i don't really like her bf =x. hahaha i better start packing my stuff already. byeeeee! <3

brownie typed this at 2:40 PM